I’ve seen it happen…Yes, it’s possible. However, the biggest
mistake is looking for it. I’m no big fan of dating sites. I want that moment
to happen when I least expect it. If you’ve been married for years, then find
yourself in divorce court, dating might be the last thing on your mind for a
while. This is the time to get to know YOU…again. Re-introduce yourself to
yourself. Find new hobbies, gain a new skill, travel more, plan outings with
close friends and family – Do all the things that you failed to when you were
caught up in that unhealthy relationship. Learn ways to improve your overall
health and wellbeing, so that you can discover your greatest potential, and how
you can be a better half of the relationship. In your next relationship, you
want be able put your past behind you, and focus on the positive contributions
that you are able to give to your partner.
I’ve heard this a million and one times, “A relationship is
50/50.” Uh, no it’s not. Why would I want someone to give me 50% of their love,
among other things? Partnerships of any kind – business, family, sports
teammates, schoolmates, etc., require that you give your absolute best. For me,
my most successful friendships and romantic friendships included the “3 C’s” – COMMUNICATION, COMPROMISE, & CUSTOMIZE. For a very long
time, I was an “all or nothing” kind of woman. Guess what? That attitude got me
nowhere. Now, I realize that there is no perfect guy, but there is that guy
that is designed just for me – the guy that I connect with spiritually, sexually,
and intellectually. Sometimes you just “click” with a
person, and you can’t exactly explain why. Perhaps that person is your
soul mate.
Remember, soulmates does not always relate to romantic
partnerships. Soul mates can be your best friend, a parent, a relative…heck even
your pet – maybe. I also think it’s possible to have more than one in your
lifetime. I’ve fallen in love, or thought so, a few times. This time around,
I’m able to use past negative experiences as lessons of what NOT to do.
I feel strongly in the cliché, “Opposites Attract.” Of
course, it’s good to have some similarities and common interests in order to
maintain a healthy, happy, long-term relationship; however, having a few
notions that are quite different than you own points of view can help see
things in a different light, which can possibly help you in making better
decisions or react differently during times of increased pressure. For instance,
your mate forgets to close the fridge, and you yell at him or her. Your mate
calmly apologizes, and tells him or her to be more mindful about making sure
the fridge is securely closed. With this reaction, this may cause some people
to react in the same manner- calmly. Now if your mate yells back, giving off
the exact same energy that you displayed, then, this in fact, will turn into an
unnecessary argument.
So, having someone who reacts differently to situations can be a positive characteristic in your unique relationship. Being different is not a negative thing. This takes us back to what I call the “3 C’s” or “Tre’ C.” Communicate your thoughts and acknowledge your concerns at the appropriate times without making it appear as if you are nagging or pressuring. Compromise by agreeing to certain situations (within reason) into the relationship. Remember, compromise is a negotiation, NOT a toleration. Don’t just agree to disagree…Communicate again, if necessary. There needs to be a good balance of things that you both enjoy. Customize the relationship to work for both you, not against. Don’t try to mirror other relationships because of what you see on the surface. You don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. It’s essential that you tailor your relationship so that you both benefit.
You’re older now, and yes, you are set in your ways, and it
can be challenging to start all over with someone new. So, don’t jump right in
at first. Have fun, date with no commitments. Wait until you know for sure,
this person is worthy of your time.
